Sometimes, there is a violence in change that stems from trying to control an outcome, a somebody, or a something.
Allow me to explain. When we see people as they are and then try to change their thoughts or behaviors to suit our needs, there can be an unacknowledged type of violence involved.
If we try to change a person because we believe we know better than they do, subtle violence occurs when the other person is an unwilling receiver of our goal to affect change.
So the violence I speak of is not two boxers in a ring throwing punches, for they agreed to participate in that sport. Neither is it other recognized forms of violence like pounding a fist on a table.
The type of violence I am referring to happens when a person’s ability to have agency over their decisions and to find solutions to their circumstances is controlled and, therefore, oppressed.
I am not opposed to change. A coach can help an athlete improve, a therapist can help a patient heal, a parent can keep a child safe, nature goes through cycles of change, an employer can teach subordinates, and a pet owner can protect a dog from oncoming traffic; yes, all of these are true.
The problem occurs when one person uses power, control, manipulation, or a lack of empathy to bulldoze another person into compliance. It doesn’t create an environment where both parties thrive.
So, if we want to effect change and achieve peace, we first need to realize there can be inherent violence in the process of change.
Once we acknowledge that even well-intentioned change can be inherently violent, we allow empathy, compassion, patience, and learning to enter the process. When that happens, we become more civilized.
And who knows, perhaps we find that we were the ones who needed to change all along.
Simone Dominique
