I found myself reflecting today on a quote by Epictetus, a Stoic philosopher. He said, ‘People are not upset by events but by their opinions about them.’ This simple yet powerful observation is a cornerstone of Stoic philosophy. It has prompted me to think about how much of our emotional turmoil is self-generated. It’s not the external circumstances that disturb us but rather the significance we attach to them through our opinions and beliefs.
Last week, for example, I interacted with a person who immediately set off a cascade of anger and hurt feelings. Initially, it felt as though the person was attacking me because this person’s language was harsh and not in my lexicon. However, upon closer examination, I realized my interpretation of that interaction sparked these feelings. That person’s language still isn’t something I would condone, but I have no control over it. The person’s language is external to me. I can only control my reaction to it.
This incident served as an example of Epictetus’s teachings. The language itself was an arrangement of words and sentences. I attached meaning to it. My opinion, or the meaning I ascribed to those words, painted them negatively, transforming them into a source of stress.
I justified my feelings because the words are commonly considered harmful and harsh. Once I relayed the story to a friend, it was easy to build ground support that the other person was wrong. But again, that is culture’s interpretation. We attach meaning.
This realization made me ponder the nature of our attachments to our opinions. Why do we imbue certain events with negativity or positivity? It is a deeply ingrained human trait to evaluate and interpret our experiences, to label them, often instantly, as good or bad. This labeling process is not just a passive reflection of our experiences, but an active construction of our reality. It shapes our entire life experience, influencing how we perceive and react to the world around us.
I’ve come to understand our immense capacity for controlling our emotional responses. By altering our interpretations and consciously choosing the opinions we form about the events of our lives, we can significantly reshape our emotional landscape. This revelation empowers us to take charge of our emotional well-being.
However, this doesn’t imply adopting an unrealistic outlook on everything. If a train is coming at us and we are standing on the tracks, we need to perceive danger so we can act. What it does mean is that we can cultivate a more balanced, detached perspective. This perspective allows us to see events as they are, not as we fear or wish them to be, thereby enhancing our emotional well-being.
The path to peace starts with the way we view conflict and the inner emotions that arise because of that conflict. No matter how off-putting, each event offers an opportunity for practice. In most situations, we can choose to detach, observe, and choose a response that aligns with wisdom, serenity and healthy boundaries.
Contemplating this has soothed my initial turmoil and illuminated a path for personal growth. I am not saying that I came to this effortlessly or that the problem is fully fixed. This has given me a clearer lens and made me seek better tools to approach similar situations in the future, so I can foster less distress and more understanding. The power, I’ve come to realize, lies not in the events themselves and in getting wrapped up in emotions around them but, rather, in the spaces we create between the events and our responses to them.
