Sometimes, we all get stuck, perpetually wrestling with the same issues. We become mired in our struggles, unable to move forward. Despite trying different tactics, it can feel like climbing a well-oiled mountain, only to slide down over jagged rocks after making incremental progress.
After trying and trying, it’s easy for the words, “I didn’t deserve this” to creep in. I can think of countless situations where people can justify those words: exploitation, domestic violence, war; the list is long. There are experts to help address these issues. I will come back to these extreme issues another day.
Today, I am discussing non-crisis situations that have kept us busy for years, reacting to them. Anyone looking in can easily see that we are running in place, caught in loops of unproductive patterns peppered with phone calls or lunches with friends where we explain how awful things are as we remain in ‘situationhood’—a term I use to describe the state of being trapped in a circumstance, unable to see a way out, similar to victimhood.
So, how do we break out of these patterns?
If you had told me to meditate a couple of years ago, I would have said I could not sit still; my mind was racing. I couldn’t clear these thoughts from my mind. If I had tried a 5-minute meditation session, I would have spent 4.99 minutes thinking, thinking, thinking.
What is left if it’s not meditation and the situation stays the same? Isn’t that checkmate?
There is one other tool, and it is easier than meditation. This tool is observation. By ‘observation ‘, I mean the act of stepping back from your thoughts and simply noticing them without judgment or attachment. The more you suffer, the easier it is to call on this tool, so it becomes a fantastic opportunity for growth.
Remember, this tool is always available to you. It doesn’t require any special skills or resources. You can choose to use it whenever you want, empowering yourself to take control of your thoughts and actions. This is your tool, your power.
The powerful tool is observing your mind—essentially, observing yourself. Self-observation is the key to breaking free from unproductive patterns and finding opportunities for personal growth.
It can be applied in various situations, such as when you’re dealing with a micromanager at work, when you’re dealing with complex patterns in your relationship with a loved one, or when you’re trying to change your circumstances and make a decision about your future.
In these situations, you can observe your thoughts and reactions, which can help you gain clarity and make more conscious choices.
I will show you how it works.
You are reading right now. Stop for a moment and let whatever thoughts come to your mind. Humans are always thinking, so go ahead. Think.
Now, this is where it gets different. Observe those thoughts. Don’t think about the thoughts; observe what you were thinking. Observe that you were thinking.
Here is a childhood example to help explain it. It’s an exaggeration, but hopefully, it will help you understand. Did you ever try to pay attention to your breathing as a kid?
When you observed it, your breathing seemed to pause its autonomic nature; you then had to inhale and exhale consciously. When you tried to restart breathing without focusing on it, you might have even felt it took a bit to resume naturally.
The observation of your breathing mattered—it interrupted your breath’s natural pattern without you thinking, ‘I am going to hold my breath.’ All you did was observe your breath. This is similar to how you can observe your thoughts.
It’s the same with your thoughts. You can interrupt their nonstop nature by observing that you are thinking. This means stepping back from your thoughts and simply noticing them without judgment or attachment.
So you aren’t trying to push out your thoughts, you aren’t trying to stop thinking, you are observing that you are thinking.
Once you start observing your thoughts, a small path begins to open up, and gradually, the stagnant nature of your life starts to shift. It’s not a magical solution to your problems and it takes daily practice, but it brings peace, allowing you to think clearly and act purposefully. This is the beginning of transforming situationhood.
This observation tool equips you with the power to navigate the jagged rocks on your mountain. The sharpness of the stones and the slipperiness of the mountain remain. Still, your ability to see a hidden path for your climb will transform.
I recommend exploring Jiddu Krishnamurti and Eckhart Tolle to read more about this tool.
